Child Support: The destruction of the family unit

I have been wanting to write an article about child support for some time. This law is out dated, not very well written and has to be one the worst laws ever.  Parents have been killed over child support and child custody issues. It may sound like a good idea, but it has not been thought through. The fallout, ramifications and consequences have been ignored for years.  It contributes to unemployment, restraining orders, animosity and tension, your ability to find and keep work, increases the jail population, increases government assistance cases, and severs the relationship with the child or children. It is over enforced with penalties like no other law.  It changes your life for the worst.  Even the wealthy like athletes  or actors have gone bankrupt over child support. It is public enemy #1 when it comes to raising children, period paragraph end of report.  I offer my solutions and share my personal experiences with this troublesome law. It is time for a change, please read this article I wrote some time ago and watch the short clip afterwords. It will change how you feel about child support.

I know this may raise some eyebrows . We have got to learn to think outside the box. Most of the time, bad laws only help lawyers. Child support should be removed from the court system if you were married in a church. It should be the parent’s or church’s responsibility to settle child support matters not the judicial system, who only knows how to punish people, and keep lawyers pockets full. Why give a moral or social issue to a court system who jails more people than any other country in the world?  Most churches have qualified personnel and counselors already in place to take on this task. The funding for Child Enforcement Units should also go to the church.  If a child is born out-of-wedlock, there should not be any ordered child support. Responsible and mature parents don’t need or want “the system” in their lives. This will stop career child support parents. If an un-wed couple have a child or children and then split up, they should be held accountable for their actions, not the court. Why is any enforcement needed?  It wasn’t the government’s mistake.  It wasn’t the church’s mistake. The couple chose the person they were with so they should be responsible for the decisions they made. This is what churches are for.  My ex has four kids from four different fathers, she doesn’t have to work she lives off child support. Child support puts a strain on families, especially for the non custodial parent if they remarry. Child support is prejudicial towards the non-custodial parent, their pay checks are garnished, can go to jail, their tax refund taken away, their credit is ruined or even have their license suspended. I’m not done yet, despite double jeopardy, you can be jailed more than once for slow or missing payments . How do you monitor what the custodial parent is contributing? What is their punishment for not supporting the child/children?  Why is the non custodial parent treated like a criminal? None of these punishments have the best interest of the child in mind. These punishments impair the NC parent’s ability to earn a living for themselves let alone a child. If you go to jail and you rent a home, you will lose your home, your job, your car, and your possessions. What about the unpaid light bill, the cable bill, internet, gas, and water when you get out? You now have to pay all these delinquent accounts before you can start services again. All your property, clothes, and furnishings were put on the curb for others to enjoy. You will also have to pay some steep deposits fees to restart your accounts. You’ve taken some negative credit report hits. You are starting over, but child support does not account for this and continues to grow. You are homeless with no possessions, and now labeled a dead beat parent by society. By the time you get back on your feet again, another warrant has already been issued for missing payments.  A vicious cycle, a no win situation, and there is nothing you can do about it. The philosophical call this insanity. My question is how does the child benefit from all this?  It is obvious this is not a well thought out law. Child support should end at age 18, despite arrears. Some people don’t get paid for vacations, being out sick, pregnancy, hospitalized, jailed or unemployed. None of these issues are taken in consideration when it is ordered. Missing child support payments is not supposed to be a criminal offense its civil, however, the court system is slick, they call it contempt, so they can jail you. I have went to jail even though I was paying child support because of the months I was unemployed in the past. Clifford Hall from Houston, TX faced jail time even though his payments were up to date. The Judge ordered him to pay 3k for his ex’s attorney’s fees and 6 months in jail. Once again not in the best interest of the child, neither are the courts. We are not supposed to go to jail for debts, The system is broken. Non custodial parents have a right to quality of life. If you over paid in taxes, child support will take your refund. My ex goes to Vegas and cruises with my overpaid income tax refund, doesn’t matter if your homeless. Arrears can be classified as alimony after the child hits age 18 or 19. In my case the child is 19 and GI (Navy). The mother has remarried, and had another child, so the arrears does not go to the person it was designed for. It goes to her new family. You may say, arrears make up for the times you didn’t pay. I didn’t get paid the month I missed from work with an infection on my hand so bad they wanted to amputate my finger. I wasn’t paid for the time I spent looking for work after 3 layoffs. I wasn’t paid for the time the judge put me in jail (while employed and paying), and the time it took to find another job. I wasn’t paid when I was homeless due to garnishments, I wasn’t able to take care of myself. True story, Kay Simpson, someone I worked for in Clermont, FL had to give me a check for $1, yes, one dollar, after child support. One hundred pennies to pay your rent, car note, insurance, utilities, and food. I sought out the church for help and ended up managing a transitional home for homeless men. I received amenities, housing, use of a car and a small salary, $200 a month, which is not unusual to receive a small salary working for a 501c3.  The courts don’t recognize your community service and wont lessen your monthly obligations no mater what your Separation Agreement states or what your current income is.  Truth, an ordained Reverend was jailed for delinquent child support because of the career path he chose.  Modifying your child support is a joke. Despite the changes of my income (%70 less of original income) The judge refused to modify to a lesser amount, not once but 3 times. Some states base it on earning potential, not the actual salary being made, which is just like alimony. They don’t take in consideration technology, the wheel has already been invented, people don’t use rotary phones anymore, careers change over time. It is unreasonable to expect someone to run to the court to try to modify their child support order every time there is a change in one’s financial status.  Sound like probation to me.  What type of intellect should we expect?  We all know by now, It’s not about justice, just money.  What is the purpose of suspending one’s drivers license?  How in the hell does that help anything but put money in the courts pockets by having the victim pay the state to get their license reinstated. Remember, many smaller cities have no public transportation. How does going to jail help anything?  It doesn’t do anything for the child, but the jail does receive funding for each inmate they house. Plus the money they receive from what the victim spends on food, clothing etc. One shouldn’t have to pay for child support if they are receiving government assistance, which means they are already at the poverty level. This is another problem with the law. If a person is unable to take care of oneself, they will need to get government assistance for food, rent and utility assistance, which is what the law is supposed prevent the custodial parent from doing. It is unreasonable to expect a person to maintain 18 or 19 years of monthly child support with all the changes one goes through life. It is impossible to know how much it takes to raise a child due to different social statuses. Judges are human not Gods. They make mistake also, however they are not held accountable for their actions and poor decisions.  Your honor my ass, I honor God only.  You are not allowed a lawyer in child support cases. You are not read your rights.  You can’t enter a plea of not guilty.  You are not allowed to prepare, prove or present your case. Thats not law, it’s a dictatorship. Why am I bitter toward child support judges?  Well when I was employed, and paying child support, I was arrested for missing some payments in the past and a warrant was active. When incarcerated, I spoke to a gentlemen who had the same issue, except he was unemployed and set free the same day. The judge gave him 30 days to pay $500, she gave me 60 days in jail. After you spend your time in jail, the not so funny thing is, the only times I haven’t paid my obligation was the time periods I spent looking for work. Four of those times was after being jailed for missing child support payments. Remember they know this, they garnish your checks when you are working for they have access to your employment earnings. As a matter of fact you can have your paychecks garnished, have you license suspended, a negative entry on your credit report, a hold on your bank account, be in jail, and tax refund taken away all at the same time. So now what do NC parents do? They have to survive so they have to find lesser paying jobs maybe even one that pays under the table so they can try to pay off all the debt they have accumulated. A good job is out of the question,  employers  do a background and credit check now days. They drive to work with their license suspended, hoping not to get caught. Some may sell drugs, some may use drugs. They live on the street, in shelters, commit suicide. Some steal, some even kill. Some seek marriage, hoping an extra income will help east their demise. Most parents love and are willing to do everything they can to support their children. They don’t need any type of enforcement. It is one of the most abused laws (along with restraining orders) on the books. Money doesn’t raise children, parents do. If they enforced my visitation rights like child support I would have not missed seeing my daughter for the past nine years and counting. You see they enforce child support no matter what state you move to, but not your visitation rights. It is not wise to remarry when you owe child support, you are just increasing the burden on yourself and your new spouse. Do I need to continue? Supporting children are a moral obligation not just a financial one. This is a huge problem that has a significant impact on the economy of this country, and further over crowds the jail system.

In Scandinavia, child custody is usually worked out between the parents and children. Money has a small or no influence on child custody decisions, because child support is a small, fixed amount to cover the basic needs of the child, not the needs of the parent. The is no financial windfall if one parent obtains primary custody, because the amount of child support generally does not exceed the cost of raising the child. Moreover, shared custody arrangements are common.

The following is taken from the Swedish government publication “Swedish Courts“:

“If the parents are married with each other, they both have custody of the child.

If the parents get married after the child’s birth, custody normally becomes joint as of the marriage.

The joint custody also continues in most cases if the parents get divorced.”

The U.S. system, in contrast, creates perverse financial incentives to “win” primary child custody. In the U.S., the “primary custodial parent” is awarded an amount of money that is in proportion to the non-custodial parent’s income, even if this amount is in vast excess of what is needed to raise the child. Moreover, the more custody time awarded to the custodial parent, the larger the child support payments. U.S courts have thus created a financial incentive for parents to fight over custody time.

By eliminating the financial incentive to “win” custody, the Scandinavians have taken the “fight” out of custody arrangements. Parents generally agree to a common sense arrangement that works for the family. Only rarely do Scandinavians hire lawyers or go to court because of a disagreement involving custody. U.S. Child support is the most destructive and over enforced law ever written.

*I invite all parents (especially newly weds) to watch Divorce Corp, it is a Netflix Documentary, see divorcecorp.com for more info. Please watch this short clip below of this ignored epidemic.   So let it be written…

~ by E. Tomlin on March 14, 2016.